Chapter 5

There is a way to look at the past. Don’t hide from it. It will not catch you–if you don’t repeat it.-Pearl Bailey

I think by now you’re probably wondering what’s going on and why I’m acting the way I have been. The truth is that even I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I wish I did and I wish I could tell you but, I can’t,  because I don’t know. So, I guess in order to clear that fog of confusion in your head I’ll have to tell you stories from my past. The past that haunts me, the past that mocks me, the past that took me ages to let go of, is finding its way back through this.

Right now, the last thing I want to do is talk about my past, as you read you will come to know it bit by bit. You may not believe it, you may have a similar past or you may not.

My past has done me no good so telling you  and wasting all your precious time, telling you about it when absolutely nothing can be gained from it. However, like I said my past may reveal itself to you bit by bit so be patient if you wish to know.

Chapter 4: The Visitor

It had been 6 days since I arrived to the city. I spent most of my time indoors I was still getting used to the house. I had my own bedroom. Gramms house had 7 bedroom and 4 bathrooms. One of the first things I noticed about the house was that it had a lot of storage equipment. There were a lot of in built wooden cabinets with locks and boxes that needed keys to open them I wondered what was in those but I never actually had the chance. But another thing that I’d noticed was the the garden in the backyard. There was a small passage that led to a cottage. Gramms said that it was our property, but I couldn’t have a look because it was getting repainted soon. I was pretty happy with my new home.  I had my own bedroom, something that I never really had. At my old house I was used to sharing my room with my younger sister, whose alternative was the biggest bedroom in the house but she chose to share it with me. I liked having my own room, having the freedom to do anything I want without having to think about anyone else and especially knowing that I wouldn’t be barged in on while singing loudly in the room. Gramms never liked it when people barged in and therefore  she had this strict rule on knocking and asking for permission before entering.

Once I went in without knocking. I could say that it was because I’d forgotten,but that would be a lie and sort of pathetic so I’ll just come right out and say that I only did it to see the result of my mistake. I obviously didn’t like it but I was kind of numb to everything that happened afterwards because what I saw inside Gramms room had left me confused and amazed. Even though it only lasted for a minute or 2. I could never forget it. Gramms room was filled huge the curtains were pulled apart so the light made it clearer to see all the equipment. The room had small machines of only Gramms and God know what and bottles of all shapes filled with liquids of different colours and there was a small box that I saw last which had electricity shooting an inch out of it.  I turned back only to find Gramms boiling up. I ran out of the room. My cheeks were flushed with shame. Gramms didn’t call and I didn’t come out of my room till dinner. During dinner I apologized for what I had done, Gramms looked a bit annoyed but then she- to my surprise- said ‘ Its fine. Just… just don’t let that happen again. Ever.’

I nodded.

That night as I was getting ready for bed I kept wondering what all those strange machines were in Gramms room and that box of electricity, why would they be in anyone’s bedroom ? I thought of asking Gramms but the idea scared me so I decided not to. A couple of minutes later I drifted off to sleep only to have the most peculiar dream or nightmare.

Now normally if one has a nightmare or even a bad they tend to wake up immediately or whenever it gets too bad. I had nightmares that would involve strange creatures and things and this may sound bizarre but even though it was a nightmare I wouldn’t wake up unless someone woke me up and after that I wouldn’t think about it unless there was something or someone in particular in my dream or nightmare that fascinated me. This was one of those dreams.

I was in a green field and there was a storm I tried to scream for help but instead I kept shouting my own name until I saw a small house with a tower clock at the right end of the park. I ran towards it and knocked on the door twice before it was answered. A little girl opened the door and stared at me.

‘Come in!’  said an unfamiliar voice from inside. I stepped inside, the little girl, gave me a drink of some sort. The room was somehow transformed to the kitchen and I was sitting on a bench with a table in front of me. A woman with long messy hair and back faced towards me was doing something on the counter.

‘ I’m over here’ I said

Then she turned around and gave me a smile. I froze and stared at her. The woman was bony and grey her curly hair was open and messy all around she had the lightest shade of green  in her eyes which made them remarkable and a button nose but besides her creepy smile there was something else about her that made shiver she had a long and a very visible scar running down to her neck from the end of her right cheek, which stretched as she smiled and showed her teeth.

‘You’re here early, that’s not very good thing but not a bad thing either’  she said and it was something in her voice and the way she said it that made me feel comfortable and as  if I’d known her for long.  After that came the scary part, her face grew serious and it made me feel scared. She was staring into space and her pupil started to glow making them look yellow like a star and all of a sudden she fell to the ground and started breathing heavily. I ran out and the little girl started to chase me I kept running until I found my self surrounded by water. I was standing on a rock which was slowly sinking into the water and the little girl was there with me I screamed but she hit me and said something that I didn’t hear. Then she took me by the hand and jumped into the water.

There was more but I don’t remember the rest of it.  I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door.

It was 7:30 in the morning

‘ Who is it?’ I asked as I stepped out of bed and headed towards the door

‘Its bel miss’ said an unfamiliar voice

‘Bel who?’ I opened the door. There was a plump lady standing in front of me wearing a maids dress.

‘ Err. I’m sorry but- do I- who are you?’

‘Miss I am bel the maid, Madam would like to see you downstairs at the table’ she said

‘Bel the maid, we don’t have a maid’ I said

But she had left. I wondered if I was in the same house. But then that’s just me being the paranoid person I am. I got dressed and headed downstairs. It was pretty early for breakfast, I usually had it had 9 or 10, I wondered why we were having it so early. Maybe Gramms wanted to talk about yesterday.No I already apologized I don’t think she’s going to bring it up I thought to myself

There were waffles for breakfast today

‘Mmm they smell great, why so early though Gramms?’

Gramms was back in her cheery mood again. That’s one of the things I loved about her she could never hold a gudge or stay mad at someone for long enough.

‘Oh I’m expecting a visitor at lunch today, she likes to eat lunch a bit early, I thought if we had an early breakfast we would be hungry enough for by the time she comes’ she smiled ‘ I want you to meet her, you’ll like her’

‘Okay’ I sat down and began to eat. ‘Since when do we have a maid?’

‘Since last October, didn’t I tell you?’

‘No, its fine though, why wasn’t she around for the past couple of days?’

‘ I gave them a few days off. They’re good girls and nice company’

‘ They?‘

‘Yes Bel and Joanne’

‘Wow, okay’

‘You seem to be tired, didn’t sleep well last night?’ she asked slightly amused

‘No, I’m not tired’ I replied, which was true, I wasn’t tired, I was thinking about my dream.

The little girl, her pale face and black hair in plaits wearing a grey frock with stockings and that lady with the scar and glowing eyes.

‘ I noticed you’ve got a lot of books and magazines laying around in your room, so you need shelves?’ Gramms said

‘Yeah I guess and more books’ I smiled

Gramms laughed

‘Okay we’ll get some soon’

‘Thanks, Gramms can I go call mum?’

‘Oh sure love, but finish the pancakes’

I did and then got up and dialed Mum. After that I went to the garden and sat there for a while then Gramms came and sat with me.

‘ What are you up to?’ she asked

‘I’m sitting on this chair on a lovely morning looking around, so obviously I’m up to a lot’ I replied with a smile

Gramms sighed and then said ‘ You like thinking don’t you? What were you thinking about?’ she asked looking at me

Gramms knew me well enough even though we hadn’t been as close as we used to be and I’d changed quiet a lot since the last time.She was right, I liked thinking but sometimes I thought too much, I thought about everything, relevant or not. I’d think but I’d rarely share my thoughts I liked to keep them to myself.

I didn’t say anything. I just kept quite and smiled.

‘ You know your Grandfather loved to think too He would often sit in his study for hours, and when I’d ask what he was doing he’d laugh and say “I’m thinking what else?” ‘ said Gramms looking down ‘ You know Bel’s going to get the groceries in a while would you like her to get you something?’

‘ When can we go to the bookstore?’

‘ Not today, but we will’

‘Okay I think I want some cookies then, chocolate chip cookies,can she get some for me please?’

‘ No need to I already have a whole stack in the kitchen’

‘You never told me’

‘You never asked’ Gramms replied, winking

I went back in sometime later. I began to the think about the dream I had again. I couldn’t get that lady’s face out of my mind, or the girl’s. I kept thinking about it for a while, then I picked up a book and read it until there was a knock on my door again. This time it was Joanne. She was short and plump like Bel but she seemed to be very bored.

‘Meez, Maadam veeshes to see you down the stairz’ she said in an accent and way that made me smile.I could’ve laughed, but laughing at someone’s accent or the way they spoke just seemed silly and hurtful to me.

‘Oh okay’

I headed down stairs, taking my book with me, then turned back to Joanne, ‘Oh and don’t call me miss, Zara is fine’

She looked back at me as if I’d just slapped her in the face.

I headed downstairs smiling. But my smile didn’t last long after what I saw.

I saw a shadow  in the living room.

‘Yes, Gramms I-‘ I froze, right there on the spot and my book slipped out of my hand. I stood there with my eyes wide open, I didn’t even blink for a second, staring back at the very familiar eyes.Those eyes didn’t belong to Gramms-who wasn’t in the room at all-. But those very light green eyes seemed to smile back at me. Those green eyes belonged to the woman from my dreams and that very woman was sitting in my living room staring back at me. She was exactly the same, same structure, same figure,same eyes, same scar. The only thing different was her hair which was tied neatly.

I turned back to run but as soon as I did I saw Gramms standing right in front of me.

‘Oh, Zara, you’re here’ she smiled ‘ Come on’

‘Zara, I’d like you to meet my dear friend. Beth she said, her hand pointing towards the lady from my dream’

She smiled at me. Her smile, just like in my dream, relieved me. But then she grew serious and started to cough like anything.

‘Beth. Beth are you okay?’ Gramms asked, looking worried. The woman started to gasp, like in my dream. I started to realize what was actually happening. All of this was no new news to me. My dreams coming true that is and the last time it happened, it wasn’t pretty. So, I did what I think I should’ve done before.

I ran

Chapter 3: The House

I finally arrived to Darswit.

I collecting my suitcase and went outside…

There was no sight or sign of Gramms… I wasn’t surprised

Gramms was never punctual…. she was always “fashionably late”. That term always made me smile, for some unknown reason.. perhaps it was the ways my Gramms said it.

I decided to go and sit on one of the empty  benches in the corner. A couple of minutes later I saw a familiar face in the crowd.

It was Roxanne. The girl from the airport. I was surprised I never saw her on the plane. Or in the immigration line, where all the passengers were standing.

Roxanne came closer to where I was but didn’t see me she seemed to be worried. She was scanning the floor, probably, for something she lost.

A minute later she went to the old lady next to the news stand and whispered something. ‘ How on earth did you-‘ the old lady started to say with a surprised tone but she calmed her and then Roxanne left.

How unusual I thought to myself.

15 minutes later I saw my grandmother again.. she was  walking really fast.

‘Zara!! Oh my child… look at you, you’ve grown so big and my, look at how tall you’ve gotten’ gramms chuckled ‘ I’m sorry I’m late dear.. lots of traffic’

‘Its fine gramms I’m just so happy to see you’ I said, hugging her again.

‘Oh me too, how have you been dear? Its been so long since I’ve seen you.’

‘Yeah, its been pretty long…’

There was an awkward silence. The last time I’d seen gramms was on grandpa’s funeral and we were both thinking about it.

It still hurt. It will always hurt, no matter what. That’s something I learned from the experience.. You can learn to live without someone but you can’t forget them. Never, the memories will always remain, Inked to your heart and brain sort of like a tattoo but only they’ll always hurt, even if its just a little

A chauffeur came up and broke the silence ‘Madam, The luggage’s been covered.’

‘Oh, Thank you dear, well Zara lets get going now.’

We got in the car. ‘hey gramms?’ I whispered

‘Yes my sweet?’

‘How’d you get a chauffeur?’

‘I hired him’

I suddenly remembered something. I was supposed to call my mother. ‘The moment I arrived’

I reached in my pocket. My phone was switched off.

I quickly turned it on, my phone decided to freeze.

‘Brilliant’ I grumbled

‘Whats the matter?’ Gramms asked

‘Oh my phone froze, I’m s’posed to give mum a call’

‘Oh dear, well why don’t you wait till we get home?’she suggested

‘Okay, I guess’

We drove another 20 minutes in silence with, an occasional horn from cars here and there, then gramm spoke up

‘So, how is everyone back home?’ she asked with a smile

‘Everyone is fine, Mum and Dad were pretty excited,  Mum cried.. well sort of’

‘Oh well they should be  I mean you’re a talented girl and the school only picks talented students, we are all so proud’

I was good in studies but not exactly what anyone would call talented, so what exactly did Gramms mean when she said “Talented” students

I was going to ask her but then I saw the car pull up in front of a huge 4 story house. It wasn’t exactly a mansion just a huge house and I wasn’t amazed by the house

‘Well here we are’ Gramms said.

That amazed me.

‘This? This house is ours? A-are-are you sure?’

Gramms chuckled’ Yes do you like it?’

‘Yeah its great’

It was. The house had a lot of windows, mostly small, you could see its red bricks and brown wooden doors. There was a garden with mostly white Roses but it smelled mostly of Jasmines as they hung from trees and walls of the house.

‘Well… what are you waiting for Zara?’ Gramms said

I wasn’t the one waiting for something but yet something great was waiting for me…

If only I knew. I went inside the house, the home where my new life had already begun

Chapter One: Leaving Home

‘ Zara sweet heart are you sure you’ve packed everything?‘ my mother asked me.

She would always make a fuss when ever any of  us was leaving home she liked to be assured that whoever left the house no matter where they were going and for what time period they were going, Whether it was a small party or a long vacation trip, she wanted us to be well prepared for our journey.

‘yeah mum with you dropping by like every 10 minutes reminding me to pack this and that, how could I not?’ I replied, zipping up my backpack which went with me on every vacation or trip.

You see, I was leaving for a boarding school in a small city ,where my grand mother lived, called Darswit City. You probably haven’t heard of the city in your entire life and i don’t blame you for that. I have NO IDEA what gramms ( my grandmother) was thinking when she decided to move there from Ireland  2 years ago.  The last time I saw gramms, was 3 years ago when she still lived in Dublin in a very nice Villa. My grand dad died 8 years ago of a heart attack and gramms has never been the same.

The reason I was the only one of us 3 sisters and 1 Brother leaving for boarding school was because i’d been offered a scholarship by The Darswit High School for girls.

I was pretty surprised when the Ms. Lily, the principle’s assistant, called my parents and started going on about how much talent I have and how they’d love to take me in to their school and how they offered a scholarship to ‘gifted’ students like me.

I had NO idea of how she got our house number, I’d never even met the lady and how did she know my name?

Mum and Dad were far more upset than I was. They were actually kind of freaked out they wanted to know how the school knew about them and how they got the number.

It turns out that Gramms was the genius behind all of this. She called dad the next day and said that she knew what i was going through and thought that I needed a change.

‘ what better place than here honey’ she said to my dad

‘Mum I really appreciate it all but we need to think about this, this is a big step and what makes you think she needs change’? My dad said meekly

‘ what makes me think? what makes me think!?. Have you gone mad? Zara is not safe over there’

my dad chuckled ‘ Mum there are a lot of kids who don’t fit in with the other kids, its fine’

‘ Thats not what i’m talking about, son, and you very well know what I mean’ my grand mother said sternly to my father

Silence.

‘look sweet heart at least think about it, okay the school is great I’ve even met some of the girls who will be going with her and they all seem spectacular.’ she said convincingly

‘Okay mum, just to please you, How about we come over this weekend and see how it goes

– ‘Oh Honey really!? thats great… but umm…. i don’t think that would be necessary, i mean don’t go into  so much of trouble i can handle it’

‘MOM we are coming its okay, I know you can handle it but we’re her parents I think we should take tour of this “wonderful school”‘ said my dad

There was a short pause but then my grandmother spoke again ‘ Well i guess you’re right, and it’ll be great i’ll get to see my son and my lovely daughter-in-law!, How is she?’

‘fine mum, oh and mum-

‘oh Sami I am afraid i have to go there is someone on the door i think its the gardener he hasn’t been coming for quite a long time, I am going to have a nice little talk with him!’ she cut off

‘Okay mum take care see you!’ my dad said to her

So that was it. On Friday afternoon mum and dad left to Darswit.

Now when they were leaving I heard them saying how they won’t send me there in a million years and planning to tell gramms that the school was lovely and all but they just didn’t think it was quite good enough.

However when my parents arrived back on Monday morning they were talking about  how magnificent it was and how i would love it.

They asked me if I really wanted to go, and at some point they REALLY tried to convince me in to going. It was like they were sending me off to receive a billion dollars or something.

I guess i should have suspected something wrong then and there and said I didn’t want to go. But the truth was gramms was right I needed to get away from it all.

So I agreed. And it was decided that I was to leave next week its self, mum wanted me to go a bit later like a week before school started but I insisted that I would like to go as soon as possible so that I could spend more time with gramms.

So on Thursday it was Thursday evening  and I was all set to go. Little did I know that this trip would change my life. Forever.

To be Continued